Recently I was reading the book The Exquisite Risk: Daring to Live an Authentic Life, by poet and cancer survivor Mark Nepo. It focuses on a powerful question « Can we take the exquisite risk of discovering and expressing the truth of who we really are? »

I love visual imagery and so I picture each role that we have in life as a box, each with a different shape, size, and color. Even the thickness of walls can vary – some boxes feel light and airy, and others are more constricting. In the collection of boxes we each inhabit, the one labeled “Me: who I am and who I aspire to be” is usually one of the smallest. Most of us give far less time and attention to ourselves than to the other people and roles in our lives, so although this box can and should grow and change shape, doing that requires time and attention for new construction. It requires time for reflection on what truly matters to you and living your values, and it’s work that only you can do. The box called “Expectations of self” is generally HUGE – bigger and heavier because it contains both our own self-expectations, and we let others build onto and add to that box too – no time for self-reflection required!

Different people and entities are invested in particular parts of us and not surprisingly those who benefit from us being a certain way or doing a certain thing can be resistant to changes that we might want to make, even if those changes are vital to us. In some of our boxes psychological safety can be an issue too. We might justifiably fear that not all parts of us would be accepted, so we selectively offer the parts that seem welcome or required. The part of me that practices peds cardiac anesthesia is ALWAYS welcomed and needed, while I sometimes worry that other parts of me are more contingently accepted.

Doing all the things we want or need to do leaves us little time to reflect on who it is we want to be and what the steps on that road might look like. One of my favorite coaching questions is “What if there were no obstacles?” Just for a moment, believe that there are no obstacles to anything you could do – with that belief, can you take the exquisite risk of exploring who you really are, and what is most important to you in your life? What might it feel like to be that person, right now?

And if we allow ourselves to become our best self and live to our full potential, how can we offer that gift to others around us as well – acceptance and the ability to become exactly who they are meant to be? Not stuck in a box….but actively shaping your boxes and living your way into self-acceptance and your best possible self.