One of the great joys of becoming a coach has been studying things NOT RELATED TO MEDICINE for the first time in umm, decades. It has been fun, enlightening, and so many times given me an “Aha!” moment.

The Gestalt concept of the “paradoxical theory of change” was one of those times. This theory says that “Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not.” WOW. What a ticket to freedom for most women. We’ve often tried to adapt communication styles or ways of being that don’t feel natural to us because we believed that to fit in and belong that was necessary. And if you didn’t do that, you might often be left with the uncomfortable feeling that you didn’t fit – you weren’t a member of the club. I know I felt that. You are accepted as a great clinician and doctor, but not fully accepted for who you are and how you are as a human being.

We don’t have to become what we are not. We are exactly right as we are. 

We need to learn techniques to communicate effectively using our own style – and we can do that, especially with coaching. We need to find allies and work to change systems with ingrained bias, and together we can do that too.  We can all change, and learn, and grow – but with the goal of becoming who we were meant to be and realizing our own potential, and not because we need to become what we are not. Thanks, Gestalt.